Tag Archives: nfl

NFL Week 3 Wrap-up: Tweet Style

Posted by SuckaFish

TO blasts an NBC analyst, Vernon Davis has class, Mark Sanchez is boring, and Martellus Bennett breaks necks. Here’s a quick trip around the league featuring Tweets from real live NFL players.

Terrell Owens had no catches for the first time in 185 games. He said all the right things in the post game interviews but then attacked NBC analyst Rodney Harrison via Twitter (@terrellowens), three times:

I could less about Rodney Harrison! Anybody tht using steroids, yes STEROIDS rodney, is a cheater & cheated the game!

Is tht Y u used steroids b/c u were worried about ur stats or ws it b/c u were losing it? Lol! U’re a loser & a cheater? Got any steroid

Hey rodney! Send me sum steroids 2 the Bills facility next week!

Vernon Davis had seven catches for 96 yards and two TDs, including the score that put the Niners ahead in the fourth. He then watched Brett Favre make the play of the day, hitting Greg Lewis in the end zone with two seconds left. Davis (@VernonDavis85) took the high road in his post-game Tweet.

We lost but im proud of my teammates they did a great job! We def got what it takes to be the best!

Mark Sanchez proved once again that he has a very bright future in the NFL leading the Jets to a 24-17 win over the Titans. He also hit up his Twitter account (@Mark_Sanchez) to prove once again that he is as boring as dirt.

Big win @ home today. Defense was lights out again! Shout out to the fans! We’ll need it again next week. A lot of work to do! Go Jets!

The Cowboys play Monday night but Martellus Bennett is already finding humor in potentially paralyzing opponents. He got people fired up by Twittering (@Jupiters_Crunch):

Big game tomm. Another chance to set the tone as a team tomm. Break necks then cash checks. Ha can’t wait

Dallas better not fall to 0-2 in Jerry’s World or Wade may enter the Zorn Zone.

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The Redskins Think Your Team Sucks

Posted by SuckaFish

Seriously, he's their voice of reason.

Seriously, he's their voice of reason.


The ‘Skins spent most of the week blaming the fans for booing them and the media for being too tough on them. But then the voice of reason grabbed the mic. Believe it or not, the voice of reason was Clinton Portis.

Portis told reporters that they team was being booed by their own fans because they weren’t providing entertainment worth the sky-high prices. He said that everyone was on the hot seat including himself. He said everything that should have been said by 53 players and coaches. And then he said this.

“I really do think on paper we’ve got the most talented team in the NFL.”

Do you have any idea how hard it is to score nine points against the Rams at home. That takes talent.

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The Redskins Hate Their “Dim Wit” Fans

Posted by SuckaFish

Rookie linebacker Robert Henson, who is sadly from TCU, is the most famous inactive player in the world. Despite not playing in Sunday’s thrilling 9-7 win over the Rams he managed to steal the headlines thanks to his overactive thumbs.

After the game Henson got to Twittering:

“All you fake half hearted Skins fan can . . . I won’t go there, but I dislike you very strongly, don’t come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!!”

Nice move, attacking your fans before you’ve even been active for an NFL game. Of course, we all know that the adrenaline is really flowing when you’re on the sidelines in street clothes doing nothing for 4 hours. I’m sure after he cooled down for a bit he realized his mistake and sent an apology.

“No I didn’t play but I still made more than you in a year and you’d [gladly] switch spots with me in a second. I was talking to the fans [who] said the crazy stuff, I’m use [to heckling] but I’ve never been booed in my own stadium. Again that was for the half hearted but if everyone wants to jump in come on. The question is who are you to say you know what’s best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at Mcdonalds [sic]. You don’t wanna follow me anymore then fine but we play for you and win lose or draw we represent you!! My guy on the Rams said they never got booed even when they didn’t win a game.”

I know what you’re thinking, that’s too many characters for a tweet. You’re right, that’s actually a compilation of highlights from some of the 52 tweets he sent that night.

By Monday afternoon he was in the middle of a media circus and eventually apologized. He even came back Monday night with an on-camera apology that must be seen. Of course, the Skins site is as fan-friendly as a day at Fed Ex Field so you have to go to this link then under the player browse by tags and look for Robert Henson. In the video Henson is quick to let us know that it’s “disheartening” that stories are running about this because his apology “was sincere” and “there are bigger issues at hand.” Redskins shill announcer Larry Michael takes the opportunity to ask hard-hitting questions and voice his outrage over the rookie’s lack of respect for the fans.

It makes me proud to be part of the organization folks, to be able to be here at a moment like this, for a young man like this, who wanted to speak to the Redskins fans directly after seeing what would be published and after going through what he went through the last twenty-four hours.

If Henson doesn’t make it as a player it sounds like he’d be a perfect fit in the front office. Maybe he could be the guy that calls Redskins fans and tells them that the team is going to sue them.

If you want to follow Henson just to see what he Tweets this week, good luck. Not surprisingly his Twitter page looks like this.

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Week 2 NFL Picks: Me vs. a Two Year Old

Posted by SuckaFish

Each week I’ll be picking games in a head-to-head competition with an intellectual equal, my two-year-old daughter. “She doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to predict the outcome of NFL games,” you say. Oh yeah, well I’ve been picking games for more than two decades so it can’t be that hard. I put the logos of the two teams playing each other on the screen and she pointed to (or said things like “helmet for the Browns or “Tiger” for the Jaguars) the team she prefers. Here are the picks:

Game SuckaFish Two-Year-Old Daughter
Colts @ Dolphins Colts Colts
Patriots @ Jets Patriots Jets
Texans @ Titans Titans Texans
Saints @ Eagles Saints Saints
Seahawks @ 49ers 49ers 49ers
Raiders @ Chiefs Raiders Raiders
Browns @ Broncos Broncos Browns
Vikings @ Lions Vikings Vikings
Cardinals @ Jaguars Jaguars Jaguars
Steelers @ Bears Steelers Bears
Bengals @ Packers Packers Packers
Ravens @ Chargers Ravens Ravens
Panthers @ Falcons Falcons Falcons
Buccaneers @ Bills Bills Buccaneers
Rams @ Redskins Redskins Redskins
Giants @ Cowboys Cowboys Cowboys

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Thursday Morning Qback

Posted by SuckaFish

Each week SI.com’s Peter King works tirelessly to produce Monday Morning QB ensuring that it will be posted before you get to work in the morning. The next day, Gregg Easterbrook stops watching Star Trek long enough to ensure that Tuesday Morning Quarterback is live on ESPN.com by mid afternoon.

Together the two columns are roughly 16,000 words and have some invaluable information. And the latter is also fond of using scientific tangents to give his opinions more weight as he constantly states them as absolute fact. He is an ombudsman’s worst nightmare.

By Wednesday (or Thursday, and the occasional Friday) we’ll finish digesting these massive tomes and will filter out the fat and deliver the only nuggets you really need.

Week One: Monday Morning QB

Jeremy Shockey lives. Shockey hadn’t caught a touchdown pass in 22 months. In the span of three minutes against Detroit, he caught two. “Reminds me of my buddy Derek Jeter, trying to get that hit the last week or so [the hit that propelled Jeter past Lou Gehrig as the Yankees’ all-time hit leader.]

Really, you’re comparing your nearly two-year TD drought to Jeter needing a couple days to get the hit that made him the all-time hit leader for the most revered franchise in baseball history. You’re even more of a douche than I thought you were. I liked those 22 months a lot better then I liked Sunday.

Meaningless Stat of the Week: Brett Favre is the first quarterback in history to win opening games three straight years for three different teams. I’ll volunteer to start the 2010 pool. Which team will Favre win a fourth with in 2010?

I vote for the Eagles. Wouldn’t it be great to watch McNabb try to say he called Favre and asked him to sign with Philly, then have a three way QB battle with those two and Vick.

Bet you a grande hazelnut latte that Donovan McNabb plays Sunday against the Saints.

I hate coffee but I’ll take that bet. One, he gets hurt all the time and needs to recover. Two, I really see the Eagles using four starting QBs by week seven and McNabb playing this week would screw up the flow.

Stat of the Week

In his last 22 series as quarterback for the Panthers, Delhomme has thrown nine interceptions and lost two fumbles, an amazing streak of incompetence.

In 2008, three quarterbacks played complete seasons and turned it over less that Delhomme has done in the last seven quarters: Jason Campbell (553 combined passes-rushes) seven turnovers, Kerry Collins (440) eight, and Chad Pennington (506) eight.

Really? You’re being outperformed by Kerry Collins and Jason Campbell? It may be time to hang ’em up. If I knew who Carolina’s backup QB was I’d be calling for him to play.

Since Week 17 of the 2008 season, 30 Kansas City Chiefs have departed — 20 active players, five on injured-reserve, five on the practice squad. Only two have found jobs on active rosters in the NFL: tight end Tony Gonzalez (Atlanta) and defensive end Jason Babin (Philadelphia).

That’s stunning. 28 guys from their roster at the end of last season are out of work? Or at least not on an NFL team’s active roster? How’d they ever win two? It’s a miracle.

Brad Childress cutting Bobby Wade after asking him to take a pay cut., which Wade did a week before getting whacked for Greg Lewis. If you think that loses you points with your veteran players, you’re right.

I know the Vikes are stacked, they have Purple Jesus, and they play multiple Terps on D. But the way he handled the Wade and Favre situations makes me think that Childress is a dick and could be in danger of losing this team if things go bad for a stretch.

[About Jay Cutler] I mean, Hester, Olsen and Forte combined had three fewer balls thrown to them than did Earl Bennett, who had never caught an NFL pass until Sunday but who was Cutler’s teammate at Vanderbilt.

Cutler may pass Shockey as the biggest douche in the league. He’s a latter day Ryan Leaf and I hope his career takes a similar trajectory.

[His predictions for the Monday Night Football games]Patriots 31, Bills 6, at Foxboro.
Chargers 37, Raiders 13, at Oakland.

At least the information in the column was great.

Week One: Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Regrettably, the Dallas Cowboys will not appear dressed as the Dallas Steers, the team’s original name.

Well, they were never called that during a season. When the franchise was awarded they used that name and then Dallas Rangers before the Lord descended from the heavens and anointed them the Dallas Cowboys. Here’s an interesting, and little known, story about the awarding of the franchise. The owners of the Redskins tried to stop Dallas from getting a team. It seems they were the only team in the south at the time and were afraid of the market competition. Apparently Peter Angelos was involved. So, the Dallas contingent bought the rights to ‘Hail to the Redskins’ and would only allow Washington to use their fight song if they were awarded the franchise. The first of 54 times Dallas has beaten Washington, so far.

Traditionally, Tuesday Morning Quarterback proposes that the team goin’ to Disney World will be one that does not appear on “Monday Night Football.” This year’s Monday night shutouts are Cincinnati, Detroit, Jacksonville, Kansas City, Seattle, St. Louis and Tampa. An unimposing group to be sure, but if the league braintrust thinks they will all be bad, one is sure to be good. Therefore, once again, I predict the Super Bowl winner will come from among the teams not on “Monday Night Football.” I am 2-for-9 on this prediction so far

That’s amazingly sound logic. No wonder it’s been such a clear predictor of performance.

Stats of the Week No. 2: Indianapolis has won 10 of its past 11 games, with the sole loss an overtime game in which the Colts never had an OT possession.
Stats of the Week No. 3: Cleveland has two offensive touchdowns in its past seven games.
Stats of the Week No. 6: Stretching back to last season, Tennessee has lost consecutive games by a 13-10 final score, and in those losses the Titans reached the opposition’s 12-, 13-, 19-, 22-, 27-, 30-, 33- and 34-yard lines without scoring.
Stats of the Week No. 7: Seven of Jason Campbell’s last 532 passes have been intercepted. Nine of Jake Delhomme’s last 51 passes have been intercepted.
Stats of the Week No. 9: Baltimore, which surrendered only 29 yards rushing against Kansas City, has not allowed a 100-yard rusher since 2006.
Stat of the Week No. 10: Two years ago on “Monday Night Football,” Buffalo lost to Dallas 25-24 by giving up nine points in the final minute; Monday night on “Monday Night Football,” Buffalo lost to New England 25-24 by giving up 12 points in the final two minutes.

It’s pretty late, can we just assume I had a witty comment for each of those?

[Miles] Austin spun at the sideline, where City of Tampa cornerback Elbert Mack lightly shoved him, thinking he was already out of bounds. But he wasn’t! That was sour. Mario Manningham of the Giants took a simple hitch pass on third-and-8 and legged it to the end zone, after breaking a sloppy tackle attempt by Kareem Moore at the line. That was sweet. Halfway through the run, always-boasting megabucks cornerback DeAngelo Hall gave Manningham a light shove at the sideline, thinking he was already out of bounds. But he wasn’t! That was sour.

Really? You know what each of these defenders was thinking? Is it possible that they tried to push the guys out of bounds but the offensive players used their athletic skills to avoid being knocked out and continued to run?

How About 10 Nobel Peace Prizes Every Year? The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — what a name, there is a science to making a buddy road flick — just expanded the Oscar nominees category for Best Picture from five to 10.

Um, they are increasing the number of nominees, not the number of prizes awarded. Those are actually different things.

The killer mistake was when McKelvin struggled to try to gain an extra yard after he was under tackle by two Patriots. Get on the ground! He’d brought the ball back to the 31-yard line — reaching the 32 was completely irrelevant. He’s a super-highly-paid first-round-drafted NFL player — doesn’t he know the desperate Patriots will try to strip the ball?

I’m pretty sure the Patriots players were holding him, preventing him from getting on the ground, so they could attempt to strip the ball. It’s impressive how often Easterbrook can actually read the thoughts of players and know their intent.

A popular new sit-down burger franchise, Red Robin, talks a lot about local ingredients, corporate integrity and the like. But check its fare. The queso appetizer is 1,433 calories and 89 grams of fat; the Guacamole Bacon Burger is 1,160 calories and 77 grams of fat; the chicken tenders salad is 1,400 calories and 91 grams of fat; the Mountain High Mud Pie is 1,373 calories and 63 grams of fat.

The stats on the food are pretty nasty but let’s focus on that first phrase, “A popular new sit-down burger franchise.” A quick trip to Wikipedia shows that Red Robin was founded in 1969 and the first franchisee opened a restaurant in 1979. The current year is 2009. That’s new in geological terms but not for restaurants. You argue that he could mean it’s new in his area? I live in the same county as Mr. Easterbrook and they’ve been around for years.

Red Zone Channel is an exciting new way to watch football, and if it were a network, it would out-draw many games.

Yeah, about that new thing again. Just because it’s new to you doesn’t mean it’s new. I’ve actually been anxiously awaiting the return of the RZC for quite some time.

The Football Gods Chortled: In the Clemson-Georgia Tech game, Clemson botched a fake field goal attempt, and Georgia Tech returned the ball for a touchdown. On the next Georgia Tech possession, the Yellow Jackets ran a fake field goal attempt, and Clemson was caught unsuspecting; no one covered the target, and the Yellow Jackets scored a touchdown. You just ran a fake field goal, and were tricked by a fake field goal!

With a name like Dabo Swinney it has to be good.

There you have it. They gave us more than 16,000 words, we gave you roughly 1,700. Now use that time we saved you to do some good. Call your mom or an old friend. Volunteer at a local charity. Or you can use it to sett your fantasy lineup. Whichever works best for you.

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Cowboys 2009 Week-by-Week Predictions

Posted by SuckaFish

Here are the official SuckaFish picks for the Cowboys season.

Date Opponent Pick
Sun, Sept 13 @ Tampa Bay Win
Sun, Sept 20 NY Giants Loss
Mon, Sept 28 Carolina Win
Sun, Oct 4 @ Denver Win
Sun, Oct 11 @ Kansas City Win
Sun, Oct 18 Bye I watch Red Zone Channel all day
Sun, Oct 25 Atlanta Loss
Sun, Nov 1 Seattle Win
Sun, Nov 8 @ Philadelphia Loss
Sun, Nov 15 @ Green Bay Loss
Sun, Nov 22 Washington Win
Thurs, Nov 26 Oakland Win
Sun, Dec 6 @ New York Giants Win
Sun, Dec 13 San Diego Win
Sat, Dec 19 @ New Orleans Loss
Sun, Dec 27 @ Washington Win
Sun, Jan 3 Philadelphia Win

So they end up 11-5. I don’t love every single pick (I feel like they could win the home opener against the Giants but then I’d have them going into the bye week 5-0) but that’s the record I thought they’d have. They are who I thought they were. Or who I hope they’ll be.

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